I am Not Cool

I'M NOT COOLThe idea for this post came from a conversation with a coworker.  Hopefully she isn't reading this.  She probably isn't.  We were making coffee (for me tea) at work the morning after I went to my first SoulCycle class.  She was asking me about my experience and I casually told her mid-story that after realizing how loud the music would be in the spin studio, I grabbed a pair of free earplugs from the reception desk before heading in.  Well, judging from my friend's reaction, apparently what I did achieves grandma status. "I'm like, not cool," I said.  Let's get something straight: I'm 23 going on 83.  I don't stay out late on weeknights.  The only time I ever saw the sun rise when I came home from a night out was solely because my friend couldn't read a train schedule.  I can count the number of times I've been drunk.  I've never smoked a cigarette, nor have I ever smoked weed, and I don't plan to because I'm simply not interested.  I don't ever wear makeup.  Ever.  I couldn't give less of a shit about celebrity gossip.  I'd rather run my own business than backpack through Europe.  I'd never get Taco Bell at 3AM.  I'd never get Taco Bell at 3PM.  I still keep stuffed animals on my bed.  I didn't kiss a boy until I was seventeen.  I've never done a juice cleanse.  I don't have a membership to a swanky gym. I wouldn't wear anything that says, "Bride to Be," or "Bridesmaid," or "Team Bride," even if you paid me triple my year's salary.  I don't have the ugly chic Urban Outfitters thing going on, nor do I do the plain old chic always-looks-impeccable thing.  I don't have a pair of Tory Burch flats, and I have no plans to ever buy them.  I don't use the word "selfie."

It took me a long time to realize who I am, to "find myself" as some people would say. Throughout middle school and high school, I went through quite a few "phases." I won't bore you with the details, but I think deep down the reason for these phases was the need to be "cool."  So this is what I've realized while writing this post: The things I've listed above aren't things that are actually cool.  They're just things that everyone else is doing/has done.

But here's the thing: I actually am cool.  After many embarrassing phases and much soul-searching, I've figured out what works for me, and who I am.  I am my own brand of cool.